from now on my penis is your penis
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
