Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
