I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Someone signed my nipple.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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