bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
