4 words: hood of his car
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
