U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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