shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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