will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
