so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
