I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
