Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
