you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
