In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
is this the sara with the beer cane?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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