My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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