Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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