somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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