You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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