Someone shit on the floor
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
