Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
