Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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