I will die if light touches me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
