I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
