Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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