I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
