I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
