I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize