How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
