I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
