Im at strip club and am horny
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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