If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
