She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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