I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
