I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
