I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
