i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
