Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
