...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
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