she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
