woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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