we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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