i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I checked into jail on foursquare
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
