Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize