I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
