Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
