someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize