I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
