Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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