oh god the rape fog is back!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize