last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
