Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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