NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
