i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
