i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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