wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
