I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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