just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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