made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize