No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
