I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
