JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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