Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
