I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
