just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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