I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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