wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
