Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
