hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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