so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
