P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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