If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you still have your period?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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