I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize