her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
