Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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