you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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