ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
